it's a scary thought

These last few days, I have been waking up at these odd times in the night, technically morning. I wake up depressed for some reason, I guess I can attribute that to waking up to the darkness outside? Being up at this time makes you feel like you're alone and often I think of life matters.

Sometimes, I ask myself what exactly am I doing in my life, along with my future. I'm confident I can make this poker thing work, even if there are doubts I have from time to time, but it's just more than doubts. When I break it down and analyze what it is in becoming a professional poker player, it's a very scary thought for me. Don't get me wrong, I do want to do this, but looking at it, there is just as many negatives as positives when you do become pro. One negative I can immediately think of is in a way, I am isolating myself from society. Aside from traveling around the world to tournaments, most of the time will be spent at home, grinding it online. You are essentially alone, working by yourself.

Another issue stemming right now, is the future of online poker and the recent talks of regulation. Should I be for it? Should I be against it? I have mixed feelings on this, but I am leaning for the bill. I know the 15 month blackout will be terrible, especially for players that do not see poker as a future plan. This will be horrible for me as well if it does pass, but it seems to be so +EV for the future games.

Here's a link to a great interview; the interview summarizes what is currently going on as well as why this bill should/has to pass now.

http://www.leggopoker.com/forums/leggocast-forum/steel-blinds-1-steel108-zbthorton-13860.html

December Goal

70K vpps. Classes are coming to a end this Friday, have some work to complete as well as finals on 17th, but I think I'll be able to do this.

remember, remember

eh, I actually rather not. Poker for this last week has been terrible, I really hate to say it, but I have been "running bad." Yeah, so I'll stop there and spare you my complaining. I started this month, like the previous blog post said, break-even, but I picked it up in the middle of the month and started winning. Then disaster hits, right before the day of Thanksgiving and I'm currently at my 8th losing session in a row. I guess it evens out because last month I did run good and had a pretty long streak of winning sessions.

But, times like these, it's hard to not question your play and your skill level. "Am I just not good enough?" always comes to my head. I'm still confident though, even though I'm a little down;I'm handling this better than expected. I'm actually more upset about my winrate on PTR, I was so close in obtaining 1BB won per 100 hands, but I'm back to somewhere like .50BB won per 100 hands now :(

I hope December really picks up, it's going to be a big month for me because January is when I start the SNE chase. I cannot afford to lose.

Swingy Month So Far

Like the title says, it has been a swingy first week in November. I feel like i'm running normally, even though EV wise, I'm up like 6 BI's or so. Obviously EV can be misleading and it doesn't account for hands like this.

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $2.00 BB (8 handed) - Poker-Stars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com



Hero (MP2) ($274.30)

CO ($117)

Button ($423.30)

SB ($220)

BB ($146)

UTG ($145.15)

UTG+1 ($263.40)

MP1 ($272.75)



Preflop: Hero is MP2 with J, J

3 folds, Hero bets $6, 1 fold, Button calls $6, 2 folds



Flop: ($15) 7, J, 4 (2 players)

Hero bets $10, Button calls $10



Turn: ($35) 7 (2 players)

Hero checks, Button bets $28, Hero calls $28



River: ($91) 7 (2 players)

Hero checks, Button bets $50, Hero raises to $230.30 (All-In), Button calls $180.30



Total pot: $551.60 | Rake: $3



Results:

Button had 7, 9 (four of a kind, sevens).

Hero had J, J (full house, Jacks over sevens).

Outcome: Button won $548.60


I was actually seriously just thinking of flatting river because of the way he played it, maybe i'm too nitty? But, I decided to take the cooler like a man!

BE so far this month, but fpps put me ahead :)

October

October wasn't bad, i need to put in more volume though. I'm too lazy.

Back to 200NL

100NL was frustrating to play for the last month, especially when I was running bad. I didn't make as much as I anticipated, but I made enough to be comfortable playing 200NL again. I've been grinding about a week and table selecting; it definitely makes a difference. The only downside of it is that your hands per hour really suffer, but hey if you're making money, nothing to complain about. If the rest of this month goes according to plan and I don't get hit by some downswing, it should be my biggest month in poker + my VPP milestone bonus.

I'm really considering the SNE chase for next year and might take a semester off school to try and achieve this or even do part-time school. Remaining in school is definitely a option, but I'll go crazy trying to maintain the balance of grind, school work/tests, and time with girlfriend and family. Contemplating my future...

Alright, let's do this.

After a break from August, I am refreshed and ready to grind. I have to drop down and play 100NL for this month, due to withdrawing a large chunk of my roll. I could be still playing 200NL, but rather be more comfortable with more BI's to play. I am going try to put up the most volume I have ever had in my poker career, this month. Why? To simply get a feeling of what it is like to chase Supernova Elite next year. Reading posts on 2p2 and various blogs, I gained inspiration in trying to pursue this. To say the least, it's very difficult and just calculating the amount of hands I have to play, makes me sick. But if I keep the long term goal in perspective, I may, just may have a shot in this. (More information to come)

Too bad classes had to start when I considered doing this...